Things I learned from my dog.

Always greet everyone within reach. If someone ignores you, shout at them to announce your presence. If someone still ignores you, jump on them.
When you sleep with someone else, always get as close to them as possible.
Keep your hands clean and don't neglect other area's of your anatomy either.
When watching TV, get as close to the screen as possible.
Loudly reprimand anyone who runs, fights, or makes loud noises without your express permission (including everyone you see on TV).
If someone is bigger than you, make more noise then usual to try and intimidate them.
Always announce visitors and guests in a way that everyone within hearing distance knows there's someone new around.
Go outside as often as possible, specially if it involves being with friends.
Never, ever turn down a car ride, no matter how far or who with.
When there's food around, always try to encourage others to share... but aggressively protect anything you have from everyone else.
Staring at someone long enough will always elicit a response of "what?"
Be sure to check up on every person in the residence who isn't in visual range; if they're sitting on the toilet, stare at them until they're done.
When eating your dinner, always get as close to everyone else who's eating as possible.
If someone tells you to be quiet, groan and moan about it long enough for them to know you'll comply, but under protest.
Under no circumstance let anyone else get the last word in.
If someone reprimands you and then asks you to "come here", go to someone else and plea for sanctuary.
When someone is nice enough to give you a scratch/rub, present to them the optimum area for scratching/rubbing.
Always look sad and forlorn when people are leaving, walk them to the door.
Greet old men and babies before everyone else.
Beware of small children.
If someone is scared of you, stare them down.
Cats are always fair game.
When out for a bathroom break, always delay the big job as long as possible in order to maximize exploration time.
Always stop to smell the flowers, shrubs, grass, sidewalk, posts, fire hydrants, and dogs butts.
Make sure that everyone in the area know it's your territory.